Question Number: 19041

Character, Attitude and Control 5/9/2008

RE: Select Under 19

Biff of Palatine, Illinois USA asks...

It now seems that with each new game the coaches get more beligerent and the parents appear less knowledgeable. I handle all age groups from U11s to U19s and find that, contrary to expectations, it doesn't seem to matter how long their children have been playing, the parents just don't seem to have a grasp on the rules. And the coaches seem to be screaming at the refs for their team's advantage more than to try to correct some perceived problem on the pitch. (Not that they should do either.) It has now gotten quite predictable in the midwest that if one team gains a sudden advantage on the pitch the other coach will scream "Offside ref!" regardless of how perfectly the AR is set up on the correct line. The coaches will want any possible call made which could help their cause, even if their player merely fell over the ball. But it is the extreme nature of the coaches' demands that I find unacceptible. They scream, "C'mon ref!" and want us to do something favorable to them.

The other night I had to verbally warn both coaches about fair and responsible behaviour on the sideline after they each derided the AR on their side who, in their opinions, was missing calls all night.

After the match I suggested to each coach that we are all role models for the youth involved and we should carefully choose our words and should not teach them to disrespect authority by screaming at the referees. I had to literally laugh out loud at each coach's answer. Each threw a thumb over their shoulder toward the other coach and said," Don't worry about him. You all did a fine job."

I also suggested that they talk to their parents about the concept of offside and the idea that they should not be trying to make the calls about who is "offsides" and who is fouling whom. At the very least they should remind spectators that they are farther away and have different sight lines than we do, and that we are trained to get into the right position. Easy to sell if as center you never get more than 8 to 10 yards away on contested balls!) Isn't it amazing how the players will hear their parents and coaches' complaints and then mirror their behaviour? They are easy to talk to though.

I politely wave down the parents when they complain, the coaches too, and continue to focus on the game at hand. At half time I make sure our referee crew discusses any possible misses, any possible problem players or play (like offside traps) and whether we are too loose or too tight. After several assessments commenting on excellent foul recognition, I am confident in my ability but worry about the way our beautiful game seems spiraling downwardly in our country.

Here's my question for your consideration: What can we as referees say or do that can positively change the attitude of the coaches and parents about this great game before they sour the next generation of players? I think we must follow the rules carefully, show the players a sense of humor, make positive comments if appropriate ("nice save keeper"; "good run 22"; "great shot number 1"; "good clean tackle green"), verbally warn close conduct ("arms down ladies"; "hands off boys"), and keep the players safe while remembering that this game is a contact sport.

Sorry about the length, but am I missing something? Any ideas?

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

Yes, you are missing something very basic. Your attempt to talk to and reason with coaches has gotten you exactly what I would expect; nothing. Being a reasonable and rationale person to them after a match is useless. By then they've calmed down and don't even remember acting like idiots. Right now you should make up your mind that you're going to do something about coach and fan behavior. Give a stern warning if you want to the first incident but the second time, it's time for the coach to go. Period. Fans becoming a problem? Simply go to the coaches and tell them the game's stopped until the fans either are quiet or leave (your choice). If this is a universal problem in your area, the referees are doing a poor job controlling bad behavior.

Answer provided by Referee Chuck Fleischer

Tell me please Biff if you will -- what are coaches permitted to do during a match? Thanks.

Answer provided by Referee Gary Voshol

One of the best things a coach can do is become a referee. Doing so will dispell some of those myths of the game that have grown up. It will permit the coach to be a better coach, because he will know the Laws instead of guessing at them, and will be able to instruct his players accordingly. It will have the additional benefit of calming the less-knowledgable on the sidelines. Parents who are wont to rant might just notice that Coach isn't making a fuss, and after all he's a referee, so maybe it's just one of those arcane things in the Laws that only referees can understand.

Until we get to that glorious day, the referee has a responsibility to manage the coaching staff, to ensure they behave in a responsible manner. Short outbursts of disappointment are to be expected. Railing on the referees, and especially on the AR's who are in much closer range of the diatribe, cannot be tolerated.

Answer provided by Referee Richard Dawson

Low level dissent and selective hearing by thick skinned referees have been the mantra for years to allow emotional venting as the needs of those watching and playing seem to require verbalization of their angst or I guess they explode in frustration.

You may find on this panel we as a group are considerably harder on the idea of reasonable behaviour simply because we are fed up with unreasonable behaviour. We all have a deep love and passion for the game. The elder of us are likely less tolerant simply because we choose to be.

I personally tired of the constant whining and refused to worry if or what assignments as I am done with the politics or worrying who I have to impress or answer to. I referee for fun not profit, I use my time as I wish, not what someone in a panic needs the day before and I try to be fair straight up no nonsense with the league, tournament or coaches I come into contact with. Perhaps it is part of the aging process where we learn to say no after years of saying yes I will do it!

Cheers

The following questions were asked as a follow up to the above question...

See Question: 19071