Question Number: 19305

Character, Attitude and Control 6/8/2008

RE: Select coach, ref grade 8 Under 17

Jay Ramey of Sacramento, CA USA asks...

This question is a follow up to question 19071

As I have read this thread and the past questions leading to it, this situation begs the bigger question. Why are these situations happening? As a local board member of soccer and softball, the past two years have been some of the worst I have experienced with parents.

Some of the things I have had to deal with this year has been down right shameful. I would add to the previous commentary, much of the problem lies with the clubs, leagues, tournaments, et al.

Parent (and player) behavior is directly attributed to board and those entrusted to coach our kids and manage the clubs and leagues, having gradually allowed the escalation with out reining it back in. So now it is o.k. Statements of "oh that is just Steve" is unacceptable...Steve needs to learn. Lack of training for the officials on how to deal with many of these situations is also affecting the level of rhetoric (not to mention 16 year olds have to tell adults - many who are intimidating - what to do.

Last year as a referee, I dismissed a coach after 7 minutes in a game. The replies I received from the PAD committee and board were..."oh great, now we have to have a meeting." This was the first coach I have heard since being involved with this club that has been dismissed (six years).

We have coaches sign codes of conduct photocopied since 1990. We have players and parents sign a similar code then we forget it.

This year as I am getting in shape to referee, I have been thinking how to handle these situations better...I have decided not to handle them this year. Coach receives a warning and then we will go to a pad meeting.

As a group, referees have the most power to change this game for the better. We need to use this power. We need to be not afraid to present a yellow card (or red), we should not be afraid to aggressively warn the coaches, but most importantly...we should not be remiss in using the tools given us as referee...the Laws of the Game.

Final thought: I was told once, that if I wanted to change what was going on to get involved. We do not have enough adult referees. Thus, I became a referee two years ago.

Answer provided by Referee Gary Voshol

I think one of the factors that contributes to this is that money has entered the youth game big-time. Parents pay exhorbitant fees so their little darlings can play on name-brand teams. Coaches from those teams get paid, as long as they continue to produce results - results that all too often appear only in the win-loss columns, not in player development. It is getting to be a mess, and I fear it will get to be a little worse before it finally gets better. What it will take is for some club to be banned by the State for their continued egregious behavior.

Answer provided by Referee Chuck Fleischer

Jay, the main reason people behave as they do is referees allow them to. CYSA knows this and allows referees to take even stronger steps to quell bad behavior than the Laws do. From the By-Laws of CYSA: [notice there is no mention of warning given]

3:08:03 Coaching from the sidelines, giving direction to one?s own team on points of strategy and position, is permitted provided:

A. No mechanical devices are used.

B. The tone of voice is informative and not a harangue.

C. No coach, substitute, player, or spectator is to be anywhere but at his/her bench area during the game. A team?s bench area shall be that area one (1) yard from the touchline and extending to ten (10) yards, one way, from the half-line only.

D. No coach, substitute, player or spectator is to make derogatory remarks or gestures to the referees, other players, substitutes,
or spectators.

E. No coach, substitute, or player is to use profanity.

F. No coach, substitute, player, or spectator is to incite, in any manner, disruptive behavior of any kind.

The penalty for the above shall be ejection from the game and disciplinary action will be taken by the Board of Directors of this
Association.

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

Short answer is far too many referees allow this kind of behavior. We have a local coach that is highly paid and is famous for referee abuse. As you would expect, his players and parents misbehave also. He was downright astonished when I told him he had to be quiet or he would be gone the last time I worked one of his games a few years ago. The local referees just let him rant on with the attitude of "Oh well, that's just *****". If the great majority of referees would refuse to tolerate bad behavior by coaches and parents, it would be forced to go away. Unfortunately, too many referees are either too young and afraid or don't want to put up with the paperwork involved.

Answer provided by Referee Richard Dawson

People!
These situations happen because people are people nothing more and too often much less! Constant communication of the world politics and the death and carnage in the world has left people, cynical, untrusting egocentric and confused as what to do, how to proceed, whom to trust, so we argue over anything to avoid the issue of fixing things because we are unaware how they got broken and lack the knowledge to put it back together. We only know that it is!
not so cheery eh?
You either do as you have done as an individual! You do what must be done and you do it all the time for as long as your spirit and strength continue or you become an enabler which are those that watch and do nothing. Lots of enablers, few individuals, keep trying whether you belive it or not there are those who truly appreciate what it is you do and are trying to do.
cheers