Question Number: 15398

Character, Attitude and Control 5/6/2007

RE: Class 4 Under 14

Madison Pilon of Blenheim, ONTARIO Blenheim asks...

What would I do if a parent calls you a clown and all the other parents from the same team follows that parent and starts saying ohh you such ref your a stupid clown. What would I do? Do I tell the coach that all the parents have to leave the game if they carry on doing that?

Answer provided by Referee Gary Voshol

Did the verbal harassment from the parents have an effect on the game? If so, you would inform the coach that the game is suspended, and will not continue until the obnoxious behavior of the fans stops. Depending on how things have gone, that might mean you wouldn't be restarting until one or more of the ringleaders leaves. If it recurs, or the identified parents refuse to leave, then you would be justified in terminating the game.

However, before you take such extreme steps, you have to decide what has been hurt. Is it just your feelings or your pride? If so, then you need to get a thicker skin and more selective hearing. Or do the calls really make a difference in the game? Spectators shouting insulting or vile things can really inflame the players to start up. To avoid that, you have to nip it in the bud.

At the other end of the spectrum, paying fans at professional matches surely can be obnoxious and foul-mouthed. It is up to the security team at the venue to deal with that kind of problem.

Answer provided by Referee Chuck Fleischer

Me, I would advise the coach HIS calling me a clown is not all that complimentary and HE is to cease doing it, then give him time to adjust the attitude of his touchline. Ref Voshol is quite the diplomat in that he asks if it is affecting how you perform. He suggests you might need a thicker skin or more selective hearing.

I'll go a bit further... Is what they say indicative of how you referee? In other words is what you hear earned? Hard, oh so difficult to read but necessary. Only you and your assessor really know so I trust it isn't or isn't any more. If it is, fix it.

Now allowing parents of 13 and under children to insult the authority figure a referee represents, ain't gonna happen. They will stop, or the match is over -- it's that simple. If the coach is unable to tend to the misconduct, and it is just that, then you do. Leave, take ALL the player passes and go home. Call the assignor and tell him what happened, write your match report, then get it and the passes to where it needs to be. That allows the league's disciplinary committee to get involved. They can sort out what happened and deal with it.

By the way, this is EXACTLY why I do not referee, instruct or assess any more. It just isn't any fun listening to alpha hotel parents discuss their opinions of how I perform during matches...

Good luck,

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

Madison, never, ever put up with this kind of conduct. What you do is go to the coach, tell him the parents are his responsibility and they will shut their mouths or you will not restart play. If they start back up, you go back to the coach and tell him the parents are to leave. You cannot force them to leave but you can refuse to restart play until they do leave. I have very strong feelings about fan abuse and disagree with my collegues as to the need of a thicker skin. They and I have thick skins but the 44% of youth referees that we lose every year do not and the number 1 reason referees quit is fan abuse. Even if you are NOT doing a great job, the fans are to respect you and the message you send by allowing this is that's not only ok for fans to behave like this but also their children.

Answer provided by Referee Steve Montanino

This is no good. My collegues above have some great advice. There is no place for such behavior by the fans. I would say address it once with the coaches if they don't do anything. Tell the parents directly to stop. If they don't listen, terminate the game and go home. Follow Ref Fleisher's proceedure noted above.