Question Number: 16581

Character, Attitude and Control 9/7/2007

RE: Competitve Professional

Phil of Chicago, Illinois USA asks...

This question is a follow up to question 16551

Thanks for the great answers! They give a great deal of insight! [16551]

If I may, I have one follow-up question that skews slightly (but is still very relevant) off this main topic.

I have done some refereeing, coaching, as well as a great deal of playing. During that process, we see many games with players at the high school level and below. Keeping that in mind, we often witness that such players can be more emotional as they develop.

This is where the meat of the question arises.

Occasionally youthful players (more regularly girls, but not always)will become quite emotional when a decision is made against them that results in a yellow card, or more severely, a red card. As quickly as the whistle blows, to the point that the discipline is carried out, much crying occurs--or other like displays. I have found this especially true for those who are experiencing their first ever "encounter" with a referee.

With your guidence, how do you deal with these situations, making the player understand that this is part of the game, somethimes sympathetic, but nevertheless stern when administering necessary discipine?

Additionally, when we are on the coaching side, what suggestions might you have in trying to difuse the situation in the moments following this process, for advice is always welcome in helping players grow, while not having tramuatic events (in the young player's eyes, anyways)discurage their further participation in the game?

Great Work! You Have Been Very Helpful!

Answer provided by Referee Gary Voshol

I do a lot of younger games, and I am sensitive to this issue. There was one U8 game quite a while back, when we were still wearing all-black referee uniforms. One player tripped another, coming from behind. The player went down hurting (not injured, but this *was* U8) so we stopped while the coach came on to attend him. As they are wont to do, all the players "took a knee", or rather, sat on their bums. I walked over to the boy who had committed the foul. He's down on the ground with this large black-dressed guy looming over him. I simply said quietly, "When you're coming from behind you have to be more careful." He looked up at me with puppy eyes and whimpered, "I know." Lesson taught, lesson learned, no cards, no theatrics.

But sometimes I'm not sensitive enough. I had a U14G who had just gotten her ears piereced. Wanted to know if she could play with them covered, since she couldn't take them out yet. I asked her, how long had she been playing soccer? (years) And how many times had she heard the referee say, "No jewelry"? She wasn't going to be able to play the game with the earrings in. Then I stuck my foot in it. "I didn't let a U10 player play with jewelry even though she cried, and I'm not going to let you either." Darned if she didn't start the waterworks too. I totally didn't expect that.

Answer provided by Referee Chuck Fleischer

What is best is to have your quiet words in front of the team's bench and coach. USYSA allows the for substitution of a cautioned player. Explain what, where, why and howcum, write and show the card. If the tears start ask the coach if he wants to substitute and speak with the player. He heard the explanation so he is in a better position to offer ways to prevent the caution or sending-off in future matches.

Regards,

Answer provided by Referee Ben Mueller

You can approach the situation with a little tact. You can always calm the player down before giving the card. For example, write the info down and explain to the guilty player what is happening and why. Then tell them to be more careful next time.