Question Number: 19108

Character, Attitude and Control 5/16/2008

RE: Select Under 13

David Maupin of Corona, CA USA asks...

This question is a follow up to question 19065

Luckily, I've never run into a situation that has gotten so out of hand. However, I've reread the answers to this question several times and I'm trying to figure out the right course of action. There seems to be disagreement among the referee's answers as far as how to handle sending off the parent. Ref Contarino says to tell the coach he has 3 minutes to get rid of the angry parent and if he doesn't, to dismiss the coach. But Ref Dawson says a coach is not obligated to approach an angry parent or spectator anymore than the referee is. Maybe I'm not understanding correctly. I like the idea of going to the coach and telling him he must see to it that the parent must leave. But what if the coach is too scared to act? Do we just dismiss the coach, move on to the assistant, and then finally terminate the match? Sounds like a potential riot if not done properly. We certainly have no police or security at the AYSO matches that I referee at. Suggestions?

Answer provided by Referee Richard Dawson

We do not send off parents, we simply have security deal with it or suggest to those in attendance either he goes or the match does not continue. Opinions are what they are. I might not do as Ref Contarino states unless in my opinion the coach or assistant contributed to the situation in a negative way. If Ref Contarino was satisfied that inaction by a coach or assistant was thus condoning the violent action by the parent affecting the match in a negative way it is his opinion and one that he could defend at the disciplinary hearing.
In the situation given what the coach said or the verbal inflection of his attitude perhaps I too might see the coach as a problem as well. Reasonable behaviour could be considered in light of a coach to at least request the culprit to leave or offer to see what he could do. I do not hold a coach directly responsible for the antics of spectators as in my area spectators and teams are not on the same side of the field As a referee I simply tell the coach either the trouble disappears or the match is abandoned. Now if the coach starts to argue or dissent then you could bag him. You might note I did say I would record ALL actions of which consists of the NON actions of the coach as well.. One of the main reasons touchline require a technical area to establish WHO is in there doing what and separating the spectators from anywhere near there.

My point is the game has a safety issue and while I think everyone needs to protect youth I have seen belligerent individuals who frankly scare the bejeezus out of me and if I do not want to be or go near someone I could hardly expect someone else who is NOT an officer of the law or security to do so. It also could be a LEAGUE policythat parents and coaches are bound by codes of conduct that require certain forms of intervention and accountability

I have on occasion addressed a parent directly while usually receptive to my suggestions to tone it down, in the few incidents over the years where confrontation was inevitable and ugly I had no hesitation if required, in having law enforcement officials or tournament security called.
Cheers

Answer provided by Referee Chuck Fleischer

Well just having a quick peek at your e-mail address opens another avenue that the referee may take. The exercise of command presence and implementation of a little leadership. What we can do in situations such as these is not unlike damage control parties might do. Get in the middle of things with overwhelming amounts of corrective action and use that stuff until the problem goes away.

While I would never recommend the laying on of hands as a corrective action you must be prepared for that eventuality if you choose to confront a hostile parent. Reason? They are already out of control or your attention would be elsewhere, right? Yeah, go to the coach if you think that will get things done. Sometimes it won't so again be prepared for that.

When things go to hell in a hand basket the first thing needed is clear thinking. Next is a huge voice and a very intimidating manner AND an already established reputation as someone not to trifle with. Absent the reputation you'll need the admin number of the local police station on your mobile phone speed dial. Some irate parents will need to be assisted into clear thinking and the local authorities are just the folks to do that. You'll also find it useful to know what California Penal Code 243.8B refers to. Locate and read that one.

Bottom line is no referee on a youth match should have to tolerate abuse from the touchlines. The abuse stops or the match is over and seconds are all you should give. If you "ask" a parent or spectator to go elsewhere you have arrived at a crucial moment in time because the asking must carry with it the very real threat the match will not continue in his presence. He has a choice at that point, leave or his kid and all the others are going to be miffed, not to speak of all the other parents. If he goes, it will be very pleasant and very silent. If he doesn't go you move to the center of the field and blow as hard as you can and bellow something in the order of "This match is over, thanks to that gentleman", then point. Your safety is in jeopardy beginning then so seek refuge in front of the other team's parents. Reason? They might protect you AND he'll be tired after running across the field.

Regards,

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

I don't think we really disagree that much. The end result should be the same. We are instructed in the US that the parents are the responsibility of the coaches. We are told NOT to confront parents unless unavoidable. The proper procedure is to go to the coach and demand he handle the parent, If the coach refuses to even try, we can dismiss him for acting irresponsibly. Of course, if the parent represents an immediate danger to players or officials, security should be called in but rarely does security exist at a youth soccer match. Likewise, 911 could be called and the police called for but that also takes time. If the coach goes to the parent and the parent refuses to leave, then the referee may abandon the match. Usually peer pressure from other parents works as no one wants to have to replay the game because of the antics of an idiot adult that should know better.