Question Number: 22112

Character, Attitude and Control 9/30/2009

RE: Select

Andrew Carlke of Toronto, Canada asks...

As far as match control goes, how do you feel about the use of the word 'sorry' from an official, especially in high quality youth/mens games?

Even going as far as to say to a player 'sorry, I didn't see it, my bad'?

Answer provided by Referee Richard Dawson

Sorry is a word we choose to say or choose not to say with too little understanding of the effect it could have if it is truly meant and the conditions not so out of control that it loses itself in the red cloud of anger!
The fact is taking ownership of some things as your bad or simply expressing the correct degree of humility and compassion as an imperfect being the players can recognize you as someone to be trusted even if you are not perfect!

Respect for the position of the referee is not the same as respect for the referee him or herself. One is a control power the other a choice of power. He who welds power though choice will have greater success then those who apply power by force!
Cheers

Answer provided by Referee Jason Wright

In my experience, one of the most aggravating things to players is the perception that referees don't take responsibility for their mistakes. Additionally, not understanding referee decisions - particularly when it appears that blatant fouls have been missed - causes quite a bit of angst.

I have found that sometimes players can be surprisingly forgiving if you admit that you were unsighted. By saying 'Look, I understand your frustration but from where I was I couldn't see if anything happened' or 'I couldn't see that one, your teammate stepped in front of me at the wrong moment' I believe I have diffused some situations much more than standing there and trying to insist that something wasn't a foul, particularly when every man and his dog knows it was.

In a reasonable frame of mind, everybody understands that the referee cannot rule on what he cannot see - of course, a soccer match is the last place to look for people in a reasonable frame of mind, but I find it does help to appeal to people's more reasonable nature. Sometimes people will respond with 'that's fair enough ref', sometimes they'll still be upset and retort with 'so that makes it alright does it?' or something more argumentative; naturally you need to determine how to address such comments and whether they cross the line into dissent.

I generally find that men are a bit more understanding than youth players, but I have apologised or admitted not seeing things to all sorts of grades, and have had success at times.

You certainly don't want to get into the habit of doing it all the time otherwise players will think you run around the field with your eyes closed. Appearing to be confident in your decisions is one of the biggest factors in selling a decision, and even when you have no idea what the correct decision is you need to LOOK like you do; as such, sometimes you are better off insisting that something wasn't a foul, or that the keeper didn't get a touch on it as it went out, or anything else that you may have missed. Sometimes it simply is better to appear certain, but sometimes it will help to say 'I couldn't see if he touched it or not from my position, we'll go with the goal kick'.

I think you do need to pick your moments and determine if certainty and confidence are more important, or if it's more beneficial to admit to the players that you are human, that like them you also wish you had seen the incident better, but it's best if all concerned simply move on.

Answer provided by Referee Joe McHugh

Hi Referee Carlke
Great answer from Referee Wright and I do use this and in my opinion I wished other colleagues would use it as well as it really is a great tool for referees. I had occasion in a game last week to say to a player, who was looking for a foul and had stopped playing, that I was sorry I did not see it. I had looked away instantly to view the next phase of play and when I looked back, the incident had happened and I could not call it. I just said to him ' I'm sorry I looked away for the next phase and I did not see the foul'. He accepted it and play continued with no problem. Had I ignored him he would just assume that I decided not to award him a blatant foul as I had to see it.

Answer provided by Referee Gene Nagy

Andrew, I say sorry from time to time. On one occasion both teams agreed that the corner I called was really a goal kick and I quickly changed my call. Sometimes I blow too quickly and see that advantage would have been a really good idea. A quick sorry guys, I should have let you play is way better for game control then saying nothing and acting like a sergeant major.
The trick is not to have to do it too often.

The following questions were asked as a follow up to the above question...

See Question: 22162