Question Number: 22429

Character, Attitude and Control 11/3/2009

RE: Select Under 15

Dave of Clarkston, Washington USA asks...

Sideline Behavior

I have been the center referee working with several new ARs this season. We get most of the calls right, but we miss a few calls each match.

Several coaches, along with many parents, have given expected perfection from us.

I know about the USSF Directive on Ask, Tell, and Remove. I have had to do the Ask and Tell steps on several matches.

The coaches seem to settle down after the second step, but it is an unpleasant task going through this process.

What do you think of having one team with their parents on one side of the field, and the other team with its parents on the other? Do the parents behave better?

Please share any advice on other ways to manage the sidelines. Thank you.

Answer provided by Referee Dennis Wickham

We seem to have the same sideline issue here in San Diego with teams on separate sides. Some of the leagues have considered changing to have parents on one touchline and teams on the other to see if that will reduce some of the parental nuttiness.

I believe that the expectations of the coaches and parents are so high that they cannot be met by the referee pool we have. Unfortunately, we lose so many referees to abusive behavior that they don't gain the experience necessary to meet reasonable expectations of the coaches (I've given up on the expectation that some parents will drop their expectations to reasonable.)

I'm convinced, however, that the problem is just a few spectators and even fewer coaches. Their lack of discipline affects the match and the enjoyment of the players. Those who cannot behave responsibly are teaching exactly the wrong lesson to our kids, and we need to remove them as referees and impose serious suspensions on them as leagues.
I see no other practical solution.

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

I don't think where the parents and coaches are located matters. Those that will misbehave will do so wherever they are. Parents usually take on the personality of the coach. Coaches seem to get more abusive every year and e are largely to blame. There are some occasions where ask/tell/remove don't apply. For serious breeches an immediate expulsion is required. Regardless, we as referees have allowed bad behavior to continue for far too long and the game is suffering because of it

Answer provided by Referee Gary Voshol

In our area, each team and their supporters are on opposite sides of the field. This has some benefits and some drawbacks. Substitutions for example: benefit - you can tell immediately which side is calling 'Sub, ref'; drawback - you have to look at both sides of the field to see if substitution mechanics are being followed when both teams are subbing.

I don't think it has much effect overall on sideline behavior. One benefit is that, if you have to address a fan's behavior, the coach is right there to do something about it. If you have to wait while the coach goes to the other side of the field to talk to the offending party, the game will be delayed. It also can limit interaction between fans of the opposite sides. We had a problem with this at a U11 game recently, when one dad didn't want to go to his team's side of the field, and parents of the away team took offense at some of his comments.

But as my colleagues note, some people will just be difficult. That won't change no matter which side of the field they sit on. If it affects the game - changes player behavior, abuse of participants, etc - deal with it by whatever method your local organization stipulates. Sometimes that means talking to the offender directly and telling him to leave (not a recommended practice for leagues to implement, by the way). Sometimes it means telling that team's coach to have him leave (or the game is over). Sometimes the home team is responsible for all spectators, no matter which side they belong to.

Answer provided by Referee Joe McHugh

Hi Referee Dave
This is a problem throughout the football world and it is no different where I referee. .
The game has lots of passion and in the heat of a game tempers can get frayed etc. Not everyone is going to agree with the referee's calls and indeed as you say we miss a few calls which always causes a reaction. I have seen some of the most respectable individuals lose it at a game and then have to apologise afterwards for their outburst. As I have said many times to colleagues "Challenge the behaviour not the person"
I have refereed games with this system of either side of the pitch and it does not make any difference. I expect a level of calling, in fact, I would be surprised if there is not and it's probably better to get it from one side rather than both. I agree with the comments of Ref Voshol on the mechanics of this system.
Also coaches and parents don't expect perfection from us but what they want to do is influence our decision making. The challenge for referees is to ensure that the behaviour is not having that effect
Now the part that I picked out of your question is that you find the task of Ask, Tell and Remove as unpleasant. Coaches follow a self interest here so the reason for their behaviour is to achieve a result or appear knowledgeable/assertive in the eyes of players, parents etc. Many times I will approach the coach and ask for his assistance. I'm polite and fair and I don't charge in and antagonise him further. I will tell him that I understand that he does not agree with some of my calls but that I am doing my best and that his behaviour is disrupting the game and I need his help to ensure that the game does not boil over. I also go out of my way to build a rapport with the coaches over many games and the task then is just a conversation.
Also one can look at this unpleasantness as helpful as it certainly can raise one's game. It can also generate more energy and effort from the referee. I know when I have to be on my 'A' game and it is in these very situations that your skills are tested to the full.
Anyone with a whistle can do the easy games. It takes skill, ability, experience to deal with the difficult ones and the unpleasant tasks and I certainly would not allow such a task to deflect me from getting the job done.

Answer provided by Referee Michelle Maloney

A friendly attitude to start the game is useful. I also am very clear to my ARs, especially the younger or newer ones, that they are to get my attention if the coach/fan/sideline is giving them grief, because I can make it stop.

How do we make it stop? I agree with Ref McHugh's statement to challenge the behavior not the person, and have done that many times, with success. It also helps to have a bit of a sense of humor. The 'Did I miss something?' or 'Hey, I'm doing my best!' said with a smile usually elicits a 'Sorry, ref.' And if it doesn't, I know I'm going to have to get tough.

Be firm, polite, respectful and back up your words with appropriate action.

Enlist the support of your league officials - file grievances if necessary to deal with particularly bad behavior from coaches or teams. Don't back yourself into a corner, of course, but don't back down from the challenge. Sounds like you are trying all the right things - keep up the good work. Just when I'm feeling like I just can't do it any more, I'll have a really good game, and life is good again!

Answer provided by Referee Richard Dawson

There are the games where you have to wonder why those who are there, are there, doing what they do?
Reasonable behaviour is not a complicated set of instructions but the personality, character and emotional makeup of those who cannot agree to disagree for the good of the game affect not only the soccer pitch but every strife filled situation in the world today!

Perception of truth and the right to say and do what one feels is THEIR right to say and do is mitigated somewhat as a common theme on the pitch as to why a referee gets to decide? It is simply because it is a fundamentally recognized part of competition that non neutral parties can not do so fairly!

Now whether we as officials overreact, inflame or are frightened and timid is another matter entirely. You can be sorry and it could still be not your fault yet solve nothing. You can apologise and forgive with equal fervour and yet be guilty of nothing but solve everything!

Even though we know of the needs and desires and expectations that the participants and spectators have as a neutral official when you accept the position of referee you have a RESPONSIBILITY to do a JOB! There are duties and obligations! You are paid thus expectations! It requires accountability and a desire of excellence, a focus of your abilities, training and aptitude at managing the match assigned!

When those around you make your job difficult you need to weigh in on the principles of why you are there?
When we do the ego dance or power shift and fail to remember the basic principles of the beautiful game we become jaded and look upon those who create our angst with contempt or apathy
For the good of the game?
Fair play!
Safety!
Enjoyment!
It is not a personal peeing contest; it is about the safety and well being of the participants! One requires courage to act not arrogance to impose, compassion not contempt, understanding but not unyielding in principle, wisdom to discern the needs of the match and to tolerate a degree of what the participants' accept and the laws of the game demand. I often reflect in what a referee is taught to call is shaped by the wisdom of others but must learn only through personal experience a trial by fire what not to call! We do not debate, we render decisions. We can not discuss but we could quickly explain! We do not have to listen but are wise to heed what is being said! Do not personalize your deeds or thoughts to belittle ridicule or seek to put the coach in his place! The coach is the coach he is mandated to act responsible and tactically advises his team! As referee your job is to remind him of that fact and take action only if he refuses to do so or if he chooses to do your job! If his behavuior is questionable we must manage that behaviour! An irresponsible coach feeds the dissent and attitude of the players and their conduct directly affects the match you are managing hence the need to manage the coach if this consideration is threatened!

The first tough ten minutes of watching close and then let them go as the trust level rises is a salient point, however, I can tell you critical incidents in a match go a long way to setting the credibility bar!

A coach will act in his perceived interests, you can acknowledge that his needs and expectations are not he same as yours but they do overlap when it comes to the well being of his players.

In the pregame showing up on time, tidy, proper conduct, professional approach! Even at the grass roots aiming for excellence is always a worthy goal. I suggest the pregame introduction, during player card identification or equipment check etc?

"Hi, this is AR 1 and AR 2 and I am Ref so and so! We are fair but not perfect and promise to our best! My ARs are untouchable in the match; please keep their runways clear and the touchlines under control! AR 1 to advice for substitution please bring any concerns to me only though the captains! If time and circumstances permit I might explain but will not discuss. (Perhaps explain tournament or league adjustments as to substitution (at mid, before stoppage, two at a time, on your possession, etc..) kicks after the match no overtime etc. if needed) finish with, Are there any questions? Remember to play to the whistle at all times. Thank you! Have a great game! Captains at centre on my whistle for the coin flip!
Less is more as you paint yourself into a corner if you say I will do this or that! Be purposely optimistic and upbeat, smile friendly but firm.

Just as you need to gauge your ARs you need to get feel for the coaches! At the youth level we get the elite pro player or registered certified coaches to a new mom or dad because no one else would. The coach new to the game will behave differently. The coach, long at it, may have both good and bad in habits and that can be a blessing or a curse. There is no set way to talk to a coach but the boundaries of respect and practical interaction are easily compromised if you allow them to get personal! Act professional, be courteous and do not show fear or uncertainty even if your guts are knotted and bile inside is churning away as if a million duck feet were paddling furiously away. Encourage their co operation to main control on the touchlines! ONLY If time or circumstances permit and you are comfortable with such interpersonal conduct ask them on such issues as advantage, what they think it is or ideas of tactical soccer! They enjoy the game and like communicating their ideas without being threatened by an intolerant referee.

When I approach the touchlines in the pregame I often ensure those sitting there are far enough back so as not to interfere with my ARs or player safety. We separate the team's technical areas on one side and place the supporters on the opposite sides. I use this interaction to ask if they parents, fans have questions! Spending some time explaining offside or handling the ball deliberately or other queries they might have. I try to be friendly and informative and one trick that works well is to ask them for help same as it does for asking the coaches for help it pulls them over to your side , which even if you agree to disagree is the side in the best interest of the game and welfare of the players. I ask them to nominate a player from the opposing team who best exemplifies the true spirit of the game! It is a good way of getting the match to end positively as they appreciate the other teams play as well as their own! You can record these choices and simply smile as it was a ploy to garner goodwill or award certificates usually food and party stuff at the end of the tournament or season.

The issues in how you approach the touchline are your level of comfort and your actual knowledge of the game. While a referee has authority, the power is from knowledge and the respect you as a person, not the position, generate! You need to remember you are not a parrot spouting off what you heard but the referee in charge of the match and endowed with the responsibility of the safety of the participants. Be sincere, give an honest effort, work on foul recognition, train, be fit study the law, grasps the fundamentals of mechanics, procedures, communication, angle of view, find a good mentor and release the fun into the game.

Grasp the big picture, look to recognize what you see and the need or reason to do something or nothing! The match flows like a river from a lake running downhill but you control the dam and regulate the flow as required to benefit the match in terms of the enjoyment and safety. If the touchlines are throwing debris into YOUR River creating new dams or attacking your control you need to act to maintain the flow or face a bursting dam and far too much flow at once, uncontrolled going down hill it wiping everything away! Turning the screws on the law valves we release and ease the pressure or restrict the flow to apply pressure! Metaphorical and abstract I know but the real value of experience is understanding, ?What you allow you encourage!?
Cheers