Question Number: 24599

Law 5 - The Referee 2/19/2011

RE: Ayso Sectional Player Under 13

Elliot Davis of Arcadia, Ca USA asks...

First, let me say I am sure I am one of those parents that disgust you. While generally I keep my thoughts to myself. I have volunteered as a AR and even considered trying to taking the advance classes for the region I am in. I understand the job is difficult and not always pleasant. For that reason I try to avoid voicing my frustration with questionable calls. My question is, while some calls at the sectionals are just bad [ it happens ] quit a few are based on favoritism. My daughter is taking away from this, that it is ok to cheat as long as you do not get caught/ or with the refs blessing. I am trying to be a good role model for my daughter, but at what point do you teach her to stand up for herself. I want to do this the correct way. I have encourage her after the game to ask the center to explain the calls so she can better understand the rules of the game. Sometime this is handle well by the center, however on a several occasions she has been dismissed with out a good explanation or a 'because I said so' type of response. Please help I am willing to work at this, but am at my wits end.

Answer provided by Referee Joe McHugh

Hi Elliot
When I read your question I immediately thought on an article by Bob Evans. The article can be viewed here at
http://ssbra.org/html/education/othertopics/EVANSTLK.pdf
He makes an interesting point that he taught his daughters to be assertive and that did cause problems of the field of play when questioning referees' decisions. What he says is how assertiveness is managed by referees needs to be developed and also to understand the difference between questioning and dissent.
To me refereeing is just part of life. We will encounter people who will explain their position/decision while others are abrasive/dismissive. Learning how to deal with different types of people is a skill that can be developed and an important life skill.
In your post you mention that the questioning is handled well on some occasions while on others it isn't. Players need to develop the skill to understand the difference and that referees are all different and one size does not fit all. Persisting to challenge the referee when one knows that it is not working is fruitless. Also many decisions are a matter of opinion not fact so if the referee thinks that contact is a foul then that is all that matters. Someone else can see the contact differently or for that matter not see the contact. All referees know that where free kicks have been awarded for shirt pulling, pushing which are plainly obvious some players will react incredulously to the decisions and probably did not even know that they committed the offences. Cue 'What's that for ref' followed by 'You must be joking'. Some referees will perhaps respond with a caution while others may say "Its was a clear push/pull".
BTW I don't buy this favoritism opinion. There is an old saying that "the early riser can stay in bed until lunch time" Once teams get an opinion that the referee is biased no amount of correct decision making will change that opinion and every single decision against that team confirms the viewpoint. In many tournaments there are assessor present who views the referees performance. Indeed many game are viewed by colleagues who form an opinion based on detailed knowledge of the game. How referees are viewed by their colleagues and peers is very important to them.

Answer provided by Referee Dennis Wickham

The big lesson that children can take away from the adults is how to deal with disappointment and mistakes.

The best lesson I ever learned on the topic came from a nine year old boy. His dad was yelling at the referee. The nine year old stopped, calmly said, 'dad, he's doing his best' and smiled. The dad stopped yelling and smiled. Pretty soon we all were smiling.



AYSO referees are all volunteers; they are all doing their best. New referees tend to be less approachable, since they don't have much experience in reading whether the person is approaching to engage in dissent (for which they must report) or conversation.

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

Don't know why you would think you or any parent 'disgusts' any of us. We do get frustrated and sometimes angry but the only parent that disgusts me is one that could care less about the safety of the players and openly encourage players to harm one another. This doesn't appear to apply to you.

AYSO referees are volunteers and do their best. What you may perceive as bias will be perceived as fair by others. Remember, you don't see or hear what the referee does and that's important.

I won't tell you bias doesn't exist. It does but it's rare.

I encourage your daughter to play fair despite what the opponents do. Cheating or playing unfairly is not standing up for oneself; it's still cheating. If at the end of a game your daughter can honestly say she played her hardest and played fair, she, and you, should be pleased. Don't let cheaters make you sink to their level.

Encourage your daughter to approach any referee with respect and politely ask for an explanation of any call after the game. 95% of us are happy to engage such a request. Some referees are so unsure of themselves they don't want to explain anything and some referees are just jerks