Question Number: 26457

Law 5 - The Referee 6/15/2012

RE: Competitive Under 19

Anonymous of Toronto, Canada asks...

I had a U13 Boys game very recently with a lot of difficult decisions (activity in the penalty area and the ball hitting players' hands) and the coach of the losing team gave me a lot of trouble throughout the game and at the end. I didn't eject him from the field because I didn't want to dampen the mood of the game. I was so upset by the things he said in the end that I am really thinking of quitting refereeing.

What way do you recommend of handling dissent in a game from players and coaches?

Answer provided by Referee Joe McHugh

Hi
The Laws of the Game allow for you to deal with dissent through a caution. My approach is to deal with the first sign of dissent with a 'strong' public word. Next dissent offence is a caution. Players need to get the message that it will not be tolerated and the way to deal with it is through the use of cards.
In the relation to the coach I will allow a certain amount of shouting. However when it gets persistent and it is being done to influence the game then I will also have a 'strong' word with the coach. I will use the Ask, Tell, Remove method as espoused by USSF in its 2009 Directive.
''# Ask
If a situation arises where there is irresponsible behavior, the referee will ASK the person(s) to stop.
# Tell
If there is another occurrence where there is irresponsible behavior, the referee will inform that person that the behavior is not permissible and TELL them (insist) to stop.
# Remove
If the non‐accepted action continues, the referee may REMOVE that person immediately.''
I generally roll Ask and Tell into one on my first words with the coach in the same way as I would deal with a player. The first words is the warning, without the yellow card as it were, and the 2nd time to speak to the coach it is the ejection.
As regards what was said afterwards that should be reported in the match card. If discipline is good in the League then action will be taken against the coach. Just because he is on the sideline does not give him the right to abuse officials and that includes after the game.
Perhaps the reason it is being said is that it is felt that no action will be taken. Only the referees can set out the discipline stall and to set the bar as to what is acceptable.

Answer provided by Referee Dennis Wickham

I considered quitting in my second year. I was so upset that I went to see my mentor - - a very experienced referee - - who was working on another field.
When I got to his field, I noticed that one coach was screaming and yelling.
My mentor talked quietly with him. About a minute later, the coach yelled again.
My mentor dismissed him.

I learned that day a couple of important things. First, it isn't me and it isn't personal. They are yelling at the jersey. Second, the referee needs to take action for the good of the game when faced with irresponsible behavior. Third, 20 percent of the coaches are jerks, and they can get tossed. That also means you can work with the other 80 percent by being calm, approachable, polite, and firm.

Answer provided by Referee Keith Contarino

You need to ask yourself what was accomplished by your tolerating this abuse from this coach:
1. He obviously lost respect for you as at the end of the game he was still letting you have it
2. You felt so bad you want to quit
3. Most importantly, this guy now thinks it's ok to abuse referees so you made your fellow referee;s jobs that much harder when they encounter this coach.

Advice? Don't quit. Bad guys win when good guys quit. Instead, keep watching others and formulate in your mind before the game what you will do in certain circumstances. These don't have to be etched in stone as you have to remain flexible and not paint yourself into a corner.
Begin by utilizing Ask; Tell:Remove/

Anytime a coach crosses a line with you, ask him politely to stop. Next time it happens more strongly TELL him "That's enough coach" or "Coach, now I'm telling you to knock it off" He continues, dismiss him from the immediate confines of the field. Sometimes a real smartass will tell you "You can't make me leave", which is true. However, no one can MAKE you restart the game. I always put a time limit on it. "Coach you have 5 minutes to get your assistant coach ready to take over for you and leave the field and parking lot or I'm calling the game".
As you gain experience and confidence you'll be able to decide when Ask,Tell Leave doesn't work.

As far as players are concerned, this is where your personality comes in to play. I'm sarcastic by nature and usually handle first few dissent incidents with as sarcastic a remark as I can. I remember being the AR at a U17 B Classic and one of my favorite referees was the center. There had been some mild complaining and finally one player said "Come on Ref, this is a U17 Classic game". Without dropping a beat the referee replied: "When you start playing like U17 Classic players, I'll start treating you like U17 Classic players." He's my hero.
We all have our own levels as to what we consider dissent, what needs a yellow card, and what elevates to a red. You just need more time. Don't quit. Maybe ask your assignor to drop you to U12 Rec for a few games to get your confidence back

The following questions were asked as a follow up to the above question...

See Question: 26483