Question Number: 29836

Mechanics 10/20/2015

Robert of Olympia, WA USA asks...

In youth soccer, what is the correct way to deal with parents on the sideline?

1. Should you directly engage with parents who are criticizing your calls, and what is the correct manner to do it in? I assume you use the same ask, tell, remove policy as you do for coaches?

2. What if you are the assistant referee and your back is to the parents so you can't pinpoint who it is?

3. And what do you do if you send off a parents and they refuse to leave? Do you go to the coach and tell them that if they don't make the parent leave, the game is over?

4. What if a parent engages with you after the game is over, i.e. following you to a referee tent or stopping you on the sideline?

Typically I ignore when parents are yelling because I do not care, but I have been criticized in the past for doing nothing.

Answer provided by Referee Richard Dawson

Hi Robert,
The correct way is to have a SOLID association with a no abuse policy and hold all who act inappropriately accountable for their actions! A good policy of assessments and reviews with input from all who participate so we can seek to resolve conflicts instead of rehashing adversarial issues busting up the kids fun!


I have a very direct approach in I often engage parents prior to the match explaining the LOTG! To not interfere with my ARs on the touchlines, staying away a safe distance, encouraging questions and stating that they are to pick a player from the other team who best displays the true spirit of the game. This gets them thinking about fair play and I also state that if approached after the match in a reasonable manner I will explain anything they might be unclear about! I can do this because it is within my personality to do so! To remind all those present it is a fun game for the youth and good support for their kids is the duty of everyone present!

I feel your pain .

Touchline theatre 101 creates all kinds of nuisances for a thick skinned referee with a low tolerance for misdirected aggression ! You are generally better off to ignore most of what you hear unless you are so distracted you cannot focus on the match at hand or it affects the safety and fun of the kids playing and you or your team of officials.!
(1.) Directly engaging those who are creating the problem!
I must confess that it is better NOT to do this. There is little to gain except to escalate tensions. I have three exceptions!
(A) On a ...VERY... few occasions I have dealt directly with a parent but more to calm their exuberance than to confront any direct abuses .
(B) My ARs are 100% off limits to ANY abuse or problems running their routes. I have stopped play to deal with crowds/individuals that enter or get so close to the field blocking my ARs line of sight or path to run or if informed they are being mercilessly heckled. Certain situations we have a TON of reality authority to deal with such things, other times not so much. The right to abandon or terminate is of course still present, but solving it so the match can continue is always preferred
(C) Tournament play
I was the referee coordinator on a provincial tournament. Part of the intro to the teams playing before the matches started was to address behaviour and application of the LOTG as to subs injury dismissals etc.. The coaches/manages were told straight up how the crowds would be set up along the outside of the pitches across from the teams technical area on the inside. They would be kept at a distance of 5 meters from the touchlines in any direction. If there was ANY issues with those parents/fans on the touchlines. The coach would be notified by the referee to speak to those responsible and either the problem resolved itself or the match is delayed until those responsible are escorted off the FOP! Given we had our own field Marshalls and the local RCMP said they would support any expulsions that were deemed necessary we had zero issues that could not be resolved with a simple request.
All officials were told they could directly speak to those causing the disturbance ONLY if they felt they could do so with authority and remain calm. Parents trying to engage the kids on the pitch or to each other after say a foul occurred and took exception to the attack and revenge statements or the distraction of the players responding to such crass or obtuse comments. The referee was to be notified of any such outbursts. Who then informed the coaches and if the referee was called over to deal with those disruptions it stopped or they faced being escorted from the field. The coach was held accountable for his behaviour in trying to put a stop to it! Only if he failed to acknowledge and not try to help with the problem was he likely to receive a warning or expulsion.

(2.) What if you are the assistant referee and your back is to the parents so you can't pinpoint who it is? What is being said? If they are moaning about you missing an offside. It is counter productive to try and verbally go tit for tat in recriminations. If you have the confidence an AR could say out loud! If I continue to be distracted and forced to endure the constant drivel I will advise the referee to stop play until those responsible stop! Or simply signal the referee at the next stoppage of the problem and allow them to address those responsible either directly or through the coach

(3.) And what do you do if you send off a parents and they refuse to leave? Do you go to the coach and tell them that if they don't make the parent leave, the game is over.
At an individual match this is difficult compared to a tournament setting where security is in place . We generally do not have the authority to remove spectators, only stop play, until those who can, do so! It is why the coaches are brought in. to speak to them in hopes of calming the situation! If it fails and continues. You inform the coach, 'these individuals are disrupting the match to where I feel it is no longer safe or reasonable to continue until they are gone this match will not continue. Wait a few minutes or so to see they comply if they do not or no one seems willing to step up then end the match, record and report all that occurred in the match report special incidents. Again although their disruption must truly be severe to take such drastic step, it takes great courage to make a stand in confrontational circumstances.

(4)What if a parent engages with you after the game is over, i.e. following you to a referee tent or stopping you on the sideline
Creepy behaviour, best to walkaway if they are emotionally distraught or abusive. If they are calm or rational and you feel non threatening you can explain a decision if you wish. If they can agree to disagree and move on fine but if they cling and blame and dissent and abuse depending on the league policy of no abuse report their behaviour perhaps if they are known get names and if the conduct becomes threatening civil action is not out of the question.

(5)Typically I ignore when parents are yelling because I do not care, but I have been criticized in the past for doing nothing.
Still likely the best option unless it creates unsafe conditions. My response to those who critique your response? What did you do to stop it? I was busy trying to referee a game. Did we all not sign a no abuse policy when we joined the league in ANY position be it a player, parent, coach, referee or league official? Fair Play is a RESPONSIBILITY for everyone on the pitch be it the fan to player to ball boy to parent or coach to remind the malcontents this is a game ,it is supposed to be fun. With you around not so much!
Cheers

Answer provided by Referee Joe McHugh

Hi Robert
Happens the world over. My advice is as follows
1. Do not get involved with spectators or parents directly. If they need to be spoken to get the home club officials or the team coach to deal with it. A referee could speak generally and at a distance to a group along the lines of *can we all move back please to allow space*. If it is about a spectator interfering with the game then it should be done through officials. The Ask, Tell Remove approach is done indirectly using the team coach or home team officials. *Please Ask Spectator X to stop ### or I will be forced to take action etc. I am now asking you to Tell Spectator X if it persist he will be removed. Please arrange for Spectator X to be removed or this game will not continue*
2. Unless the AR involves the referee I would not get involved. As an AR I can manage a high degree of shouting in. Im only getting the CR involved if it is interfering with the game. The same approach as in Point 1 then is used
3. Following on from Point 1 the club official is advised that the game is over if the person does not leave.
4. Simply ask the parent / coach to move away and to keep walking towards the tent / changing room. I might say, if I know the person, I will talk later when the everyone has calmed down or more often I just ignore or make a comment *The game if over* * Please walk away* Getting involved with an irate person is unwise and serves no purpose. They are not listening and all that happens is they get more irate. If the game has been contentious it can be a good idea to consider your position at the end of the game. Some may not want to walk to the far end of the field to confront while if the game ends with the referee close to the changing room he can walk off smartly. Safety is always a priority and numbers can be helpful.
In a recent game I did not award a penalty and a parent approached me as I was walking off. The coach had already done so and I told him *In my opinion it was not a penalty* That was followed by the parent who was somewhat irate and made all sorts of comments about the penalty and an offside and then a personal comment. I just continued to walk as he did and he repeated the personal stuff. I did not engage him and just kept walking. I eventually said * the game is over*. Now it was tempting to get involved with a strong retort and I know some who would do that. Not getting involved was every bit as strong as getting involved IMO.
On a final point I would be wary of who is criticizing about doing nothing. Everyone has differing tolerance levels. The view and context is totally different from the side line. Unless it is an observer who feels that some issue was not dealt with then I would take the criticism with a pinch of salt. Colleagues have told me about what was said say by a coach in the technical area and 60 yards away focussing on the game just does not even register with me. I was at a game today and the coach barked about a foul that was awarded. The referee probably did not hear him with everything else that was going on. Don't sweat the small stuff. Only get involved when the interference is having an impact on the FOP