Question Number: 32728

Other 9/19/2018

RE: Youth to adult, comp and rec.

Barry Stewart of Chilliwack, BC Canada asks...

This question is a follow up to question 32718

Years ago, I was at a high school basketball game and a dad was in the stands, yelling instructions to his son.

The coach and referees surely heard the noise but let it go.

At one point, the son turned to his dad and very clearly mimed with his lips: 'F*&% off!'

The stands went quiet.

Dad went mum¦ and changed his ways from that point on.

Answer provided by Referee Gary Voshol

So if it was soccer, the player should be sent off for language?

Similar story, a girl was being hassled and criticized about her play from someone on the sidelines. I could see it was bothering her. I asked, 'Should I make her stop?' Instead, she turned to the sidelines and yelled, 'Mom, SHUT UP!'

Answer provided by Referee Joe McHugh

Hi Barry
Thanks for sharing.
As a young boy growing up adults were rarely involved in our games. One of the late Horst Wein's philosophies is the right to play as a child and not be treated like an adult, either on or off the playing field.
Bringing adult values to children's game should be discouraged strongly.

Answer provided by Referee Richard Dawson

HI Barry, hmm the language at a certain level might be trouble but the realization of how much frustration can occurs a lesson all loud parent supporters need to heed. IN youth matches I have actually called the occasional player over who if MOM or DAD were getting too embarrassing for them and quietly slipped them a yellow card with the instructions if they wished to show it to their MOM or DAD and say the referee has asked you to STOP shouting at me, because it upsets me! I know of leagues that even have silent Sunday matches where you cannot shout anything, to make a point, be positive or stay away.
I try very hard to pass on the knowledge that while it is FANTASTIC to support your kids in their chosen sport with positive reinforcement you need to be CAREFUL what you say & when you say it for they NEED to make on field decisions on their own, they do not need lectures on do better, try harder or why they messed up. Leave the adult values at home let the kids play ad ENJOY the fact you are there not be ashamed or forced to tolerate your presence.
Cheers